The hard membrane that is unemployment is making my life quite hard to live. I wish to break-through into your world and enjoy high payment and good benefits. Instead, I am stressed over not being able to afford to finish obtaining my diploma due to lack of moola to enrol full-time. Jobs are scarce with low compensations. I am frustrated. No dreaming in this case will ever make anything become reality. I eagerly seek employment and have submitted my resume countless times. Countless: a word that practically screams “meaningless”. When will this economy change and embrace me.

Lets dream together. How would my life change through employment.

1. I could pay off any outstanding debts I have accrued due to school.
2. Save money for new tires and a blower motor for my car.
3. Pay for Xmas presents (this time of the year is always the hardest and most expensive for me).
4. Pay for my next semester (I have only a few more classes to complete).
5. Save money for my wedding, although, I am not engaged.
6. Save money towards purchasing property. I dream of being able to flip houses. I also, blame this dream on all those home improvement shows on television.
7. Save money to perhaps pursue a career in real estate.
8. Vacation: I have not been away since 2007 and I am in dire need of a vacay asap. I blame this on the economy being horrible. I need to just get away.

The list could definitely go on, but lets just stop right there. As you can see, the things I will to be able to afford are simple. Nothing out of this world or extravagant, yet so far out of my budget.

It’s hard to see people, who have it so easy and whose their parents give them everything. I.e. provide for their educations, cars, spending cash, vacations, rent, and any other basic needs or wants. I guess this is where jealousy kicks in. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a dinner with my boyfriend and one girl actually said to us, ” I lost my gold rolex watch that my father gave me for my graduation”. It was a 10 thousand dollar watch. She lost it. Oh the things I could do with that kind of money while, she just took it for granted. On top of that, she made it seem like it was nothing, like a gift of a box of chocolates. What do you say to a person who does not value the easy life she has been given. She was trying to come up with excuses to say to her father as to why she doesn’t wear it. Here’s one for you: “Daddy, I am a spoiled little brat that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the real value of money”.

How can money be such a deciding factor to the success of one’s life and career, but it is in our society. Money equals success.

I hope I find something soon. My employment insurance ends in April 2010, but my life may end before that, if I do not manage to start making enough money to support myself.

Bills to pay.

1. 2 credit cards. luckily only totaling 2000 dollars. At this rate I can pay them off in 9 months total. If I was working perhaps 2-3 months.
2. Ever increasing phone bill. It’s at 100 dollars now per month.
3. I am also being raped my internet company: bell! Can you believe I pay $70/month for the internet. Ridiculous!
4. Car insurance: $200/month and that does not even include collision!
5. Gym fees. My only form of entertainment these days.
6. Gas. Enough said there. It’s always on the uprise.
7. Groceries. I live at home, but I eat at my boyfriend’s house a lot, so I shop for him mostly.

My list of expenses might not seem like a lot, but when you average out that I am only making $1060/month on employment insurance. I am left penniless at the end of the month.

What I pay for monthly:

1. 400 towards credit cards a month, which includes my internet and gym fees.
2. 100 towards my phone
3. 200 towards my car insurance
4. 200 towards gas and food

there goes 900 of my 1060/monthly cash. Does not leave me any room to breathe.

Some days are worst than others. I still smile and laugh, but really deep down inside I am a mess. Scared. Frustrated. Worried. Depressed. I can imagine that there are a lot of people, Americans alike, who are going through the same thing or probably even worse than I am. I am glad I still live at home, although, my parents do not help me financially, they do put a roof over my head. For this, I am thankful.

Sigh. When will life change for the better, but for now I will continue to dream standing still.